Someone asked me a rather weird question. Does anything interesting go on in sports showers? Any secret handshakes or odd rituals? Something suspect or salacious? The answer is no, happily no, not surprisingly, no. I am not sure what the person was looking for exacgtly. Maybe an exposé of some type. If it were possible to recount some dicey stuff, we would all know about it by now after over a century of sports and the subsequent ubiquitous shower time. They do come in all shapes and sizes, just like the guys, but that is as far as it goes. I, for one, have no knowledge of a secret cabal or mad knifing.
The game is everything and you give your all. If you do, you are darn tired. Then its’ shower time. End of story. Some of you have seen too many movies, or high school escapades that just don’t pertain to grown men. Someone’s imagination has been working overtime. Sometimes you are just too tired to bother with anything but the high pressure shower head and its steady steamy stream. If the water isn’t hot, there may be some minimal revolt.
If someone is obnoxious, they are stifled mighty fast. Throwing anything isn’t much fun. Jokes are not to be tolerated, nor pranks, nor barbs and slings of a verbal nature. As for anything physical like duking it out—as previously stated, the answer is no.
So is it all boring and staid? Yes. Does it mean it is uninteresting? Yes. I was asked to tell tales and frankly I couldn’t come up with any. Maybe you can. I think better of athletes than to assume that people are tormented or mocked in the shower stall. Guys aren’t that petty. Don’t translate those women’s prison movies to men. It just doesn’t apply. It does make for good drama however. But if you are looking for tips to put in your screenplay script, kindly go elsewhere.
The most exciting thing I’ve seen lately is that one player slipped and fell. It was due to a slick soapy floor. We rushed to the rescue and did not let him wallow in water for long. No harm done, just a milk sprain. No medics or EMTs. No ambulance or panic. Now we watch the soap and keep it under thumb so to speak. We watch where we step and upon whom. We are considerate and kind. No surprise.
I do recall a few times when playing out of town and encountering less than clean facilities to my chagrin. Does that count? I could describe the layers of dirt around the drain, the telltale footprints, the grimy sink. A few of the shower heads sprayed in wildly different directions and we all had a good laugh about it—and not more. Grubby gyms are not unfamiliar and no one likes to frequent them. Complaints are definitely in order. So nothing to get excited about unless you find mold magical.
So…no secrets…no lies….nothing at all to hide. If you think otherwise, stand corrected.